Sunday, May 2, 2010

Post-Failure Thoughts

Well, I learned a lot from the experience. The whole thing, even these last few days which have...well fucking sucked. I've been eating absolute shit, which has been enjoyable though, I gotta say...ice cream, cookies, pizza, beer...God Bless America...haha...

Still kind of in a state of shock about the whole thing. I know this is called HOPELESS and all, which signifies, you know, a lack of hope, that this thing is completely crazy to do, but a part of me always kinda thought that I would pull it out. I really did. I know it was nuts, but man...I don't know.

I think the hardest part was telling my Dad. I really wanted to tell him I did this, not because he even wanted me to do it in the first place, but he really believed in me, and it sort of made me think of all the people along the way who did the same--initial reaction, WTF Ryan, you're nuts....after a while...hey, he could really do this.

If nothing else, I learned that I can commit to something when I really want to- to be real, I've never really tried like this at anything, and I've generally been pretty successful at stuff without any incredibly outstanding effort- don't get me wrong, I'm a worker, but the work that I put into this was ridiculous. I finally 100% fully apply myself and fail...it really does kinda make sense, when you think about it.

I just put off a lot of things that I should have been doing to try and prepare properly to play, which was stupid. In the end, regardless, I'm not a football player, I'm just a guy, and I should have kept my eye on the real prize, which is kicking major ass at school and becoming the best broadcaster I can possibly be, but what can I say. I don't wade into the pool well...I'm a passionate person. And I went at this thing with a passion- ask anyone who saw me along the way, and fuck it, I'm proud of it. I hate that I failed, but I went down swinging.

I would have been able to help that team, though. Somehow...I know it. But they know better about that sort of thing than I do, so what can I say. It's been a hell of a ride. I'm just sort of trying to re-acclimate myself to society here and figure out where the hell I go and what the hell I do next.

Hopeless Walk On ...does tennis? Volleyball, perhaps?

Oh yeah...and Charlie Loeb has a freakin' cannon for an arm...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

In The End...It Really Was Hopeless

I didn't make it.

The 7 months that I spent training weren't enough. Maybe if I had a little longer. Who knows. It's disappointing, but it is what it is.

I'll have more thoughts about it tomorrow.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tryouts Are Over

I find out in a couple days whether I made it or not. I don't really want to get into the tryouts themselves right now, but let's hope everything went well in the coaches eyes and I'll update as soon as I know my fate!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Thank You

I believe some thank-yous are in order for help along the way to get to tryouts tomorrow. Without you guys, I wouldn't be able to even attempt this, and for that I am eternally appreciative.

In no particular order whatsoever, thank you:

Mom, Dad, Marykay, Matt, Kristen, Josh Hawley (beast), Natalie Daurio, Colleen O'Hara, Chris Jarmon, Rich Teesdale, Jordan Adams, Phil Daughton, Mike Daly, Coach Luther, the guys at WAER, Sham Kala-kadima, Danny Fersh, Daniela Bianchi, everyone at NFL Films, the guy that broke my ankle, Sean Haley, Dr. Puleo, anyone who read the blog at any point, offered me support or advice, and anyone else that I am forgetting THANK YOU!!!

Tomorrow is time to ball..wish me luck everybody.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Last Workout Before Tryouts: Done

So that's it. It's all over. Nothing to do now but sit around and wait until tryouts on Monday.

7 months of work, and there's nothing I can really do to change anything at this point, and it's strange. I began to plan my day tomorrow a couple different times, and had to stop myself. Kinda funny that it's turned into a bit of a compulsion...not that compulsions are funny in general, just this one...

I hope I'm on the cusp of something great. I know how corny it sounds, but I do believe in miracles.

So it's 1 a.m. and I'm sitting around not going out again all weekend so I'm well rested and stuff. I'll have some more today before tryouts, I'm sure, but right now it's just strange that I'm at this point- you kind of daydream about what it's going to be like down the line when you're doing this, and what you're going to be thinking about, and it wasn't like this...I don't really know what it was like, but it wasn't like this. I guess I kind of figured I would turn into some sort of beast throughout this and be a machine of sorts, and I don't know, I still just sorta feel like me. Beastlier maybe...but just like me.

Not that this is bad...I'm definitely ready to go, although I think I always find problems and holes in what I've done. I'm rambling. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm doing the post-game show for the SU Lacrosse game on WAER as well as an NFL Draft special at 7 as well. Tune in for more coherent, organized ramblings.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

7 Days Left

I've been putting myself through 2-a-days for the most part this past week, since I don't want to skimp on the lifting because we'll be tested on that, but I also need to get in better running shape. I'm exhausted, but I feel good about the progress that I'm making and the effort that I'm putting in.

This thing isn't about playing football anymore, for me. Absolutely, I'm doing this for the love of the game, and I can't think of anything cooler than being able to finish up my time at Syracuse playing football for a team that is going places a lot faster than most people think, don't get me wrong. I want nothing more in the world than that.

But I really, at this point, after months of working for this, (see previous posts) just want to see what I'm made of. Sure, win or lose here, I can walk away proud of what I've done, but I didn't do all this to not make the team. I didn't do it to walk away and say, hey, I tried really hard, but it just didn't work out. This is about setting a goal (even if it's grandiose and borderline bat-sh-t crazy) and doing everything in your power to get to it. It's about second chances for guys that didn't do things the right way when good things were there for them picking themselves up and doing it the right way from there on out. Learning discipline and toughness.

I'll be working myself to the brink this week in final preparation. I know I won't stack up as well as some guys on certain things, but I'll be there from an effort standpoint.

Watching the Spring Game was surreal, exciting, and somewhat infuriating since I wanted to be on the field so bad. We'll find out soon enough whether that will be the case or not.

Priceless

So I'm in on a Saturday night for the first time in a long time- about to go to bed here nice and early and wake up early for a run. Did the same thing last night, look at me go...

Anyway, in my random Internet searchings to keep me busy this evening I found this priceless bit of humor... priceless if you are familiar with the venerable Emmitt Smith and his on-air strugglings. I was crying from laughing so hard. Enjoy.

http://walterfootball.com/draft2010emmitt.php


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Less than 2 weeks to go

And I am frrrrrrrrrreaking out! In a good way though I guess- my roommate Josh said it best, if you actually feel good about what you're doing, you've probably lost a bit of your edge- it's best to feel like you're failing, so you work harder...that's paraphrased from sweaty gym-talk.

I've heard some things here and there about what happens during the tryouts, and what I would be expected to do in terms of working out, and I gotta be honest, I'm a little nervous. I'm not sure (pretty damn not sure) that I'll stack up well with the other guys, but we'll see.

2 years ago I weighed 135 lbs. 1 year ago I weighed 150. I now weigh 180 and have worked harder at this than anything I've ever worked at before, and I'm not embarrassed to say it. It's not uncool to really try at something, whether it fails or succeeds. Hell, I only started benching 9 months ago, then lost two straight months to the ankle thing, so we're talking about 7 months of benching and I can do a pretty damn good amount for that kind of period. I'm assuming the other guys will have been doing this throughout high school football and the like, so I dunno.

I do know that I'll outwork them if given the opportunity. Why? Because I'm a sick, sick bastard. I love the pain, and I love to work.

I've amped up all efforts for the final push here, then am taking like 2 days off before tryouts to let the body recoup. For example, tomorrow is all-cardio day, and I'm doing two workouts, one after class is over, then one later on at night. To hell with the ankle, which continues to swell and be a pain in the ass. Screw the blood blisters that cover the bottom of both of my feet. It's go time.

Pray for me, I'm gonna need it.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

4 Weeks Away...Thoughts

It's funny how something so far away can still make you nervous. I'm already nervous for these things, but it's only pushing me to work harder. It's a tough time of year, with tons of schoolwork and other things going on, but you better believe I'm hitting it hard.

I started this site to sort of chronicle this journey of mine, and looking back, I don't think I really have done that effectively. I think that once I started actually writing it, I really felt uncomfortable talking about MYSELF all the time. With working for the Syracuse Football team last semester preventing me from commenting on SU sports, I haven't had a ton of material to put out there, and this idea has certainly suffered.

That said, it's been a nice outlet throughout this process, and more importantly, it's been yet another thing to light a fire under my ass. When you know people are watching and reading, it helps you run that extra minute on the treadmill, do that last rep, etc....because you know that if you're out there talking, you had better be able to back it up.

Not that I've talked a whole bunch of game here about how I'm going to be good or anything- I've just sorta made fun of myself for 7 months straight. And I will stand by that- I will probably not be good. Doesn't mean I wont try like hell TO BE good.

I WILL BE POSTING my NFL Draft top 50, so stay tuned for that. Also, more favorite books and other observations to come in these final weeks before tryouts. Mostly I'll just be busting my ass physically, but I'm sure I'll find time for this. You keep reading, I'll keep writing.

Friday, March 26, 2010

TRYOUTS!!!

The day is upon us...Tryouts are in one month. 4 weeks to finish up the hard work that I've put in for the last 7+ months. Haven't missed a workout. I've worked harder at this thing than anything else that I've ever tried.

ONE MONTH...I am pumped. Win or lose, I'll be ready and in shape. Pray for me, I'm gonna need it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Back From Break, Random Notes


Back from spring break. It was a crazy time over spring break, things got pretty out of control...no, no, wait, yeah, they didn't. I went home to the Philly 'burbs and basically worked out, hung out with a few friends, read a lot, and watched a few movies. Did a little shopping for some new sneakers, found nothing I like, but DID come up with a very lifelike Randy Moss figurine in a clearance bin for 5 DOLLARS! I only had 4 dollars in my pocket, and wouldn't you believe the man took it. Now ol' Randy sits on my desk and keeps an eye on things.


I played some ball this weekend in cleats and all, and felt really good. Didn't go quite 100% but didn't totally half-ass it either, and I think I'm coming along really well at this point. I played Sunday and the ankle is still pretty sore, but nothing like it used to be. I squatted today and it's even doing well. I could cut actually pretty well.

Hoping that all is going well for the SU football team in the beginning of spring practices, which according to Syracuse.com started on Monday. I hope to be with them someday, and will continue to work towards that goal. I do not know when tryouts or that sort of thing are, but when they do come- I will be ready. At this point, with cardio and all I'm working out 6 or 7 days a week, depending on the week, and am really coming along. I've said it before- if I don't make this team, it certainly won't be for lack of effort. I will control what I can control, and that is what I put into it.


I'll be updating a lot more soon! I'm also on the radio on 88.3 WAER in Syracuse on the post game shows for basketball and lacrosse. More so lacrosse at this point, but the occasional basketball show as well. Tune in after the games for my ...analysis? Uh oh...


You can also go to http://www.waer.org/ and listen live. Happy Tuesday and back to work.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Update on Yesterday

It was better today- see? SOME good can come from being an idiot and pushing yourself too hard. It's pretty sore now, but no complaints- I could cut a whole lot better today. Played some football in a light rain and had a blast.

Kicked a couple 40+ yard field goals too...maybe some added value there...

Tomorrow begins a new week, getting better everyday.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Just tried out the ankle with cleats...

Strapped on cleats for the first time since the old snap crackle pop occurred. Truth be told, I was sort of expecting everything to just be completely fine, and I guess to some extent it was.

I ran some routes at like 70% speed and it definitely hurt, and definitely still felt weak. I was really disappointed, but I dunno...I guess this is to be expected. I don't know. I basically feel like s--t about the whole thing.

So, (and I know Josh will get a kick out of this) I'll be trying it again tomorrow. Because I'm an idiot. And because I dunno, maybe I just need to be more warmed up first. I mean I warmed up, but maybe...not enough. Maybe I just...maybe the ground was too hard. I'm sure I'm fine. Yes, I am totally fine.

So things are good. I'll update you all tomorrow on how it goes, most likely from the ER.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Back On The Horse Tomorrow

Back to the weights tomorrow- looking forward to it. I'm going to bed in a few minutes and going to wake up early to go before class. I've felt at times lost and confused this week without having a steady gym schedule- my goal has become the center of my life, it seems. Not that anyone that has been near me over the past several months would not agree, but I guess I'm just continuing to notice.

The ankle is finally starting to have some burst in it. I really started to notice this week with all the basketball and stuff. It's starting to show a little life, which is exciting. God, it has been a long, long time I feel like since it was just normal to run, jump, or cut without pain. It's nice. Let's hope it continues, as I still haven't put on cleats and really beat it up, but basketball is a pretty decent indicator I feel like.

As always, I'll keep you updated on how things go...Go 'Cuse in the Big East Tournament.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Hilarity

IT'S ME!!!!! Only in Nebraska...

A Week "Off"

Just finished another 6 week program, and with my body breaking down, I'm taking a week off the weights.

Still doing cardio and core stuff, I played some basketball tonight and will be doing that throughout the week. My ankle swells up at turns kinda purple at spots after playing, but the pain level is down.

As tryouts get closer, as I've mentioned, I'll be cranking up the cardio. I figure the one thing I can control about my chances is my conditioning and weight room stuff, so you better believe I'm hedging my bets the best I can by being in impeccable shape when these tryouts roll around.

Which brings me to my next point, no I don't know when tryouts are. I've received a few emails about this and people have asked me in person as well, and to be real I don't even really know when tryouts are or what. Hopefully I'll find out that information this week, I'm going to ask around because I'm sure that time is coming up at some point in the somewhat near future.

Listen this Saturday to Sportsnight on 88.3 WAER, where I'll be on talking about the state of the NFL in relation to the Collective Bargaining Agreement and the uncapped year. I'll have some not-so-often talked about points about the state of negotiations and all that crap that very few really care about.

Congrats to SU Basketball on their win on Saturday against my hometown Nova Wildcats. I was there and it was as electric a scene as I've ever seen at a sporting event. We definitely showed 'em who was boss, as we have all season pretty much. That is one unbelievable squad.

More updates to come soon so tell your friends and come back often!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Workout Schedule

I figured I'd throw up what I'm doing as a workout schedule, as opposed to say I SQUATTED THIS or benched this, because lets be honest, 95% of people reading this don't give a rats behind what I squat or bench or whatever. And quite frankly, it's not that impressive. At all.

Monday: Heavy squat / Leg Day
Tuesday: Chest
Wednesday: Cardio / Ab heavy / Basketball
Thursday: Leg Day
Friday: Chest
Saturday: Cardio / Ab heavy
Sunday: OFF

So there it is. Bam. Man, I've got nothing to write about right now...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Update: Not Much Going On

Wellllll it occurred to me that I haven't updated this fair site in a long-ass time. Truth be told, there is nothing to update ON. Same old here: working hard in the gym and out of the gym, just kinda going along doing my thing here.

Notttt much to say here. At all. Crazy updates will come closer to tryouts or upon anything, at all, happening. God bless America.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Post-Super Bowl Sadness, Will I make this team?.. etc

Well it's over. Five plus months, minus the combine and draft of course, of utter football-less misery. It's still snowing in Syracuse and I have a class from 7-9:45 tonight, and I'm in a contemplative mood.

First, the Super Bowl last night was incredible. 3 years in a row of top-notch games to remember, and congrats to the Saints and the city of New Orleans. I picked the Colts to win the game big, so count me on the list of people who were wrong on that one. I question the Colts taking their foot off the gas late in the first half, but ultimately it came down to just a couple plays within the huge game that changed the tides in the Saints favor. Either way, an outstanding game on all fronts, and I can't wait to see what NFL Films does with America's Game to tell this epic story.

In terms of Hopeless Walk On, I've been thinking about how this crazy plan of mine is going to turn out. Thinking about the scenarios, the successful one, and what that would be like, and also failing, and what that would be like. I really hope everything works out, I know that goes without saying, but I was thinking as I was walking home from the gym earlier today how much time and effort that I have put into this, and how badly I want to play football. (and how badly it would suck to fail at trying to play football)

It seems insane when taking a step back to try this hard for a goal that in the grand scheme of things, probably will not do much for my life. It seems as though at this point, I should be focusing more on career-related things and not some pipe dream of playing collegiate football, but I can't avoid it- I want to play. I'm keeping the foot on the pedal, and if I fail, at least I can say I busted my ass every single day to make it happen. Some people just aren't good enough, but I'd like to think that I could be good enough.

I guess I know how much I can learn from this experience from a football standpoint, a life standpoint, and about myself, and how much I have learned about myself already. You learn what kind of grit, commitment, and determination that you have really fast even when training for something like this, and I know if I were to make the team, that this would be the very tip of the iceberg. Let's hope it all works out.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Getting my Legs Right

Squats, split squats, jump squats, speed squats, lunges, dead lifts, cleans, running, stair machine, basketball, ahhhhhhhhh........

Although on most days I drag my ass around this tundra of a campus, my legs are getting stronger, more conditioned, more in shape, etc. Soon I should be at least reasonably solid in the leg area and I'm still doing the upper body nonsense, so hell I should look like a football player at some point. Now looking and actually being one are two different things, of course, but at least I'm putting the time in. Any new recommendations on leg exercises is always appreciated!

Also, as of now, the ankle is really sore on a daily basis but doesn't cause me any major pain at this point while lifting. It does slow me down during basketball though, but it's definitely coming along and improving. It's just a long, long f--king road, I underestimated how long it would really take to get all the way better. I really doubt it's going to be 100% before I have to try out for the SU Football team.

Coming up on Saturday or tomorrow: a long, drawn out Super Bowl piece. Come back to see who my prediction is, and by how much. I'll say this: the winner is gonna win big.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

New Picture, Updates Soon, I suck I know

As you can see, I added a new picture there on the right to replace the generic SU football helmet. That comes courtesy of Ann Sullivan, a photography major at SU who did a project on me and afterward gave me 300 some odd pictures she took for her project. I think it's pretty cool.

Updates to come soon, I've been slacking big time on site updates but not on the actual goal, where I've been busting my ass, as always.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Dress up parties...really, why?

A tool of the devil...well no, mostly just something so girls can dress up and feel pretty. Honestly, I'm uncomfortable and awkward before I've even left my house. Haven't even talked to a damn person yet and I'm uncomfortable.

I'm sure there are pretty boys out there who enjoy this sort of thing, but I gotta voice my displeasure here. And I know, you're saying, well stop whining, just DON'T GO. Well you know what smart ass, I promised a friend I would go with him. So now I'm stuck. Now I gotta go. To a dressy ass party with a dude. GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Back in Saddle Again

A lot going on!

- Started classes this week- taking 17 credits this semester, with some pretty hard classes to boot. Should be my worst semester thus far in terms of workload in college. I'm now a senior though (albeit a 24 year old one, I started school at 21) and there isn't much more to go.

- Started training again. After 9 full days off, I got back on the horse today at the gym. I benched the most that I've ever done and generally felt absolutely incredible- haven't felt that good at the gym in a long, long time. My body needed the rest, and my back was reasonable. I concentrated the entire time on having good form during exercises which could mess with my back and afterward, I iced my back and ankle for 20 minutes. So far, so good, I'm sore back there, but nothing horrible. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, and how this thing progresses. Tomorrow is leg/back/etc day so that's the real killer. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

- I'm going to start really concentrating on getting my ankle and legs right in terms of conditioning. It's time to start being in ridiculous shape on the lower half of my body now that my strength is up- I have to be able to at least outwork the other people trying out.

More updates to come soon now that things are rolling. More and more people have been coming, and I'm appreciative of all the people taking an interest in my crazy journey. Thanks for coming, as always, and keep coming back for more awfulness!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Injury Update

So my back is getting a little better. I've taken now a full week off from the gym, by far the longest period since I started in September. My body seems to really appreciate it, actually, so I'm hoping this back problem turns into a good thing, but getting some much-needed rest.

I've been going into physical therapy with the whiz therapist herself Colleen O'hara, and coming along pretty decently. Still is pretty painful, though. I slightly under stated the intensity of the pain in the last post about my back, it's been keeping me awake at night, waking me up in the middle of the night, and putting me in agony throughout the day. I couldn't even tie my shoes, but continued to ignore it. It's slightly alleviated, but still pretty f**ked up.

I'm taking a few more days off, then getting back on the grind with much-improved form and less weight on some lifts- gonna have to take it a bit slower than I was. Truth be told I was flying up on weight more than I should have been; I was a bit overzealous. Am a bit overzealous. But going to control it now.

I'm headed to Notre Dame on Monday to give a report for 88.3 WAER in Syracuse on the Notre Dame vs. Syracuse basketball game. Break is just about over and back on the grind come Monday.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Cell Phone Companies Have Some Freakin' Racket Going

They really do. They lock you into a two year contract, right. Then, they give you a phone. Now, if this phone breaks any time after the 90 day or whatever period where there is a warranty, even if it is completely not your fault and a total mechanical error, you're pretty much s--t out of luck. Unless, of course.....you PAY for the insurance, to insure a phone which should work throughout the contract that they make you abide by.

I figure as long as you're abiding by the contract by paying your bill every month, you should be able to USE the service that you have PAID FOR. Provided, of course, that you did not break the phone due to something that you have done to it. A strict mechanical error should result in them replacing your phone, without any damn insurance number 1 and without paying a 50$ deductible if you have paid for the insurance the whole time. If cell phone companies were a person, I'd probably punch 'em in the face. And I'm not a real rowdy guy either with the punching and all.

What a damn racket. It's ridiculous. It's no way to to do business and is a total rip off. I figure with all the competition right now, some company has to change this to bring in some new customers, because right now they all must have some damn pact to leave it as-is. Verizon Wireless is an evil empire. If this were a Seinfeld episode, I would protest outside some mythical Verizon building with Kramer, a la the Post Office protest episode.

Tendinitis...I hardly knew her

Just got home from a physical therapy appt with good old Colleen O'Hara of the Rothman Institute in King of Prussia, PA. I've had some back problems, apparently from horrific posture coupled with horrific form while squatting and doing dead lifts, in addition to the good old ankle issues I've come to know and love over the past 6+ months.

Some good and bad news. The good news is that my ankle has excellent range of motion, meaning it moves each way pretty well. The bad news is that I have some tendinitis going up the bottom of my foot, Achilles, and up the side of my leg. No big deal, I have some exercises that I can do to combat it, so it shouldn't be the end of the world.

Same with the back- working on a few things, and I should be pretty good, pretty soon, hopefully. It's good to be back in there and say hello to everyone where I used to work, I even saw a patient that I used to hang out with all the time who is a history teacher at a local high school. I told him he inspired me to be a History minor, and he told me I should be a teacher, then proceeded to laugh his ass off.

Times at NFL Films have been interesting, as always. This has been a lot cooler than a lot of days over the summer, because since we're in the thick of football season, a lot of live TV is being made on the go and I'm lucky to be a part of it. Pretty neat the way everything works, and how smoothly it's set up.