Post-Failure Thoughts

Well, I learned a lot from the experience. The whole thing, even these last few days which have...well fucking sucked. I've been eating absolute shit, which has been enjoyable though, I gotta say...ice cream, cookies, pizza, beer...God Bless America...haha...

Still kind of in a state of shock about the whole thing. I know this is called HOPELESS and all, which signifies, you know, a lack of hope, that this thing is completely crazy to do, but a part of me always kinda thought that I would pull it out. I really did. I know it was nuts, but man...I don't know.

I think the hardest part was telling my Dad. I really wanted to tell him I did this, not because he even wanted me to do it in the first place, but he really believed in me, and it sort of made me think of all the people along the way who did the same--initial reaction, WTF Ryan, you're nuts....after a while...hey, he could really do this.

If nothing else, I learned that I can commit to something when I really want to- to be real, I've never really tried like this at anything, and I've generally been pretty successful at stuff without any incredibly outstanding effort- don't get me wrong, I'm a worker, but the work that I put into this was ridiculous. I finally 100% fully apply myself and fail...it really does kinda make sense, when you think about it.

I just put off a lot of things that I should have been doing to try and prepare properly to play, which was stupid. In the end, regardless, I'm not a football player, I'm just a guy, and I should have kept my eye on the real prize, which is kicking major ass at school and becoming the best broadcaster I can possibly be, but what can I say. I don't wade into the pool well...I'm a passionate person. And I went at this thing with a passion- ask anyone who saw me along the way, and fuck it, I'm proud of it. I hate that I failed, but I went down swinging.

I would have been able to help that team, though. Somehow...I know it. But they know better about that sort of thing than I do, so what can I say. It's been a hell of a ride. I'm just sort of trying to re-acclimate myself to society here and figure out where the hell I go and what the hell I do next.

Hopeless Walk On ...does tennis? Volleyball, perhaps?

Oh yeah...and Charlie Loeb has a freakin' cannon for an arm...