Why I'm Here, Why I'm Doing This

It occurred to me tonight that I've talked about what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and all sorts of other randomness, but I haven't really gotten into WHY I'm doing this.

I was talking to my step dad tonight, and he just couldn't figure out WHY I was doing this. Anything I would say he would say, yes yes, that makes sense, but why do you have to do this?

His confusion makes a lot of sense, really. I think I've sort of internalized what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and sort of assume that everyone just knows, when in reality everyone is probably like why in God's name is this kid doing this? Well...

I got really tired of waking up every day and not being proud of what I was doing. I was a below average high school kid who took everything for granted. I was a salesman who took everything for granted. I have gone through college working hard and getting good grades, going towards a goal of eventually being a sports broadcaster, but I always felt that I could be doing more. Not more like, oh, I could work more hours at the radio station and hone my craft. I could go the extra mile on this paper or something.

I needed something different, something that would tear through me and see what I was made of on the inside. I have always to a certain extent given up on things. I want to see what kind of person I am. Am I a giver-upper? Because I don't want to be. I know that as a person we can evolve and change, either for better or for worse. But at the core, we sorta are who we are. This is a way for me to find out what I am. I want to be someone who is proud of what they do every day. I want my parents to be proud- and that's not about playing football, it's about being a good person- and I think part of being a good person is giving this world every bit of what you have to give it.

If I fail, I fail. But it won't be for a lack of trying. Failing is not embarrassing to me, but it would be embarrassing if I didn't give it everything I have in the process, because this is what I want to do.

I'm thankful for the opportunities that I have been given. I won't squander them. I'm thankful for my family and my friends. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!